I heard a young bride say, shortly after taking her wedding vows, “now he can never leave me.” The woman had actually been struck dumb by her wedding vows! But, I think a lot of folks are. Once those vows are made it is easy to assume that you are both on the same page as far as making the marriage work.
We all carry our own assumptions about what makes a marriage work. The most dangerous assumption one can make is that the marriage will work just because you took a vow. The days are gone when people remained married because it is the right thing to do, or for the sake of the children. And, with a divorce rate at nearly 50% there isn’t much thought being put into staying married to keep the family intact.
Making the assumption that your marriage will last because it is a marriage could be the very thing that breaks the marriage.
When we are working on developing a relationship in any way, whether it be mending a broken marriage or doing things to strengthen an existing marriage if we do things with the wrong assumptions about the other person we are very likely to not be successful in our endeavor.
I receive heart breaking emails regularly from women whose husbands file for divorce out of the blue. Women who were happy in their marriage and assumed their husband was happy. The most devastating thing we can do to a marital relationship is assume there are no problems based on our feelings alone.
It is easy to become complacent or assume that all is well in a marriage when in reality your husband is hiding his true feelings. Before you know it you find yourself in a situation where he has one foot out the door and you are scrambling to fix problems that may not have solutions.
To keep your marriage out of divorce court it is important that you stay aware of not only your feelings about the marriage but your husband’s feelings also. Nothing, especially when it comes to marriage should be taken for granted. You should “check in” periodically, take an inventory of sorts just to be sure you and your husband are on the same page.
Guilty! I took it for granted that if I were happy, he was also. When my husband filed for a divorce I was stunned and ANGRY. I laid all the blame at his feet for not more openly communicating with me his dissatisfaction.
It took a lot of healing and introspection for me to realize that I had not paid all that much attention to what he was feeling. I was happy so, he must be happy too. Women think that just because we don’t have a problem letting someone know when we are upset that men are the same way. That was the mistake I made, assuming my husband would let me know.
It has been 4 years now and I’ve moved on. It is easy to let go and do that when you can look back and acknowledge it really does take two to break a marriage up.
Healing comes with taking responsibility. We may not have been the one to leave but all of us play a role in the dynamics and whether or not a marriage survives. It can be a small role or a large role. The sticky part of moving on comes with the ability of being able to admit that to ourselves. Thanks for commenting!